Jon Stewart "gloat-scrolls" through conservatives' breakdown over midterm massacre

“You have a nice weekend?,” Daily Show Monday host Jon Stewart asked his audience, barely able to keep the anticipatory grin off his face. In his first show since Republicans suffered what even Ted Cruz admitted was “an ass whooping” in last Tuesday’s midterm elections, Stewart, like a lot of relieved and suddenly energized Americans, was up for some serious schadenfreude, running through conservative talking heads’ collective breakdown over Donald Trump’s MAGA movement suddenly looking divided, vulnerable, and, in a cackling Tucker Carlson’s case, unhinged.

Perhaps the most telling sign of right-wing panic was Donald Trump’s disastrous sit-down with the 60 Minutes, of all places. As Stewart noted, the once-respected news magazine show has been forcibly twisted into a compromised, Bari Weiss-led mockery of its former journalistic self, complete with New York Times (bad) opinion columnist Ross Douthat tilting things ever rightward. But like those hyenas once they recognized that Scar was no longer The Lion King‘s alpha villain, Douthat shocked Trump—and Stewart—by putting on a display of catty noncompliance that the Daily Show host could only take in with a pantomimed orgasm, complete with “I’ll have what he’s having” punch line.

“You beautiful bearded bastard,” Stewart beamed after Douthat got Trump to basically admit that his $3 billion personal windfall since taking office isn’t corrupt because “I know nothing about it.” As Stewart marveled, Douthat had just gotten Donald Trump to admit that Joe Biden “is more aware of his surroundings.” Moving on to Hell, because religious conservative Douthat feels at home there, Trump also took the interviewer’s bait by admitting that he couldn’t overcome his hate for his enemies (like Nancy Pelosi and James Comey) even if a one-way ticket to Hellsville were on the line. Stewart mockingly urged Trump to just sink this “gimme putt” for the cameras, and gloried in 60 Minutes‘ choice to follow Trump’s refusal with its signature ominous ticking watch bumper. “Is 60 Minutes directed by Bergman now?,” Stewart asked.

Naturally, this midterms fiasco requires a steady hand to right the MAGA ship, something that Stewart noted is not happening with Trump’s appointment of vampiric bigot and mythologically offputting charisma vacuum Stephen Miller as White House Chief of Staff. After Trump told Douthat that he, maybe, “went too far” with his brutal and racist immigration crackdown, Stewart noted that putting that plan’s architect in charge is hardly convincing. “You just said you went too far, with deporting landscapers and maids,” Stewart exclaimed, “Stephen Miller wants to eat all those people!”

Running through a checklist of all the accepted qualifications for Chief of Staff (tell hard truths to power, calm steadiness in the face of crises, being comfortable in your own skin), Stewart could only grade the choice of belligerent, sycophantic, fake hair-spraying white supremacist ideologue Miller as something of a puzzling choice. That was backed up by the closing field piece, where Jordan Klepper reported from the newly Miller-led White House, complete with looming Eye of Sauron, flying, child-abducting monkeys, and rains of ash (or possibly monkey poop) spattering minions gathered for satanic chants at the Reflecting Pool.